the sheer joy of falling and staying in love

Standing at the patio you looked breathtakingly charming but what made me notice you first was the look in your eyes when you were staring at me. No idea what did you feel or what did you do next but I clearly remember. 

April 14 1996 On the  auspicious ocassion of Vishu, I first saw you staring at me with all your charm, when I got down of the car. The next thing I did was to run up home, before doing so, on my way up, from the corner of the eye, I tried to catch a glimpse of you - to only check if you were looking at me still and you were and you had that smile on your face- a smile of welcoming. 

I so much wanted to see you again, no idea why. I had to my heart was beating in a weird manner. And I just had to catch a glimpse of you. Can’t remember 24 years later that what excuse I would have made to my mom to come in the balcony and catch a glimpse of you. With all the possible shyness and with a look in my eyes as if I found someone, I tried looking at the direction that you were standing but you weren’t there. 

Who were you and how have I missed seeing you before. No idea and from then on it was a string of excuses to catch a glimpse of you again. Why??? No clue but I had to see you again. 

On that special day gods were surely smiling at me ....What was it about our look.....years later I realised....it was the look in your eyes on seeing me, the admiration that you were throwing at me. I was probably falling in love. Or was I already in love. When will I get to see you again. 

YOur first look of love ...

Was God around that day 

He surely must be

Isn’t it the same look that took my breath away. 

Today’s kids wonder....just one look,

 love at first sight? 

Will they ever know or understand 

Back then The madness in our hearts and our plight 

 

God is omnipresent

Sometimes the days seem endless, there seems no solutions to our problems and the tough days just don’t seem to end. No matter what the issue is, wether it’s with our relations or with our fianance or the job we do or our kids. 

So what do we do in this period. Do we look into ourself and wonder where have we gone wrong. Or do we look into the problem and think this has happened because.... most of us are defensive when things aren’t right. Honestly to each his own. But if you want to make peace with yourself, what we really want to understand is, we can only control ourselves. We can not control anything that’s outside our radar. 

childhood- The amazing life

Today my six year old said " Momma I want to become 3 year old again". Her voice was low and she was serious about it. It drew my attention to her. Taking her hand in mine I asked her why baby?. She was blunt enough to say a whole list of things she assumed she could do then and not now. To name a few.
1. WE carried her then (standing tall at 4.2" how do we carry her anymore).
2. having milk was bearable then not any more.
3. I could spread my toys and you would give me a helping hand, today I need to do it myself.
4. Homework?
5. I could spend all my time with you?
and so on........ It put me to think...
Does parenting become a habit as we move on in life? The tiny hands that we held when they were tots, did it suddenly grow big enough to fit our own, or did it outgrow our hands, that the warmth is not felt. All the things that amazed us when they were tiny tots, do they really catch our attention as they grow big.
The burden of performance and competition in the world has caught so much fire that, WE FORGET THEY ARE INDIVIDUALS, AND THEY START THINKING THEIR LIKINGS MATTER NO MORE.
Come to think of it the entire education and growing up stage is such a small fraction of their entire lifetime, that is it really worth that we burden them down with performance and do's and dont's or we let them cherish these days as the days that let them do what they want, be who they want and most importantly help them grow into themselves, the beautiful people god created ( and not miniatures of us).

Parenting sometimes on the way becomes a habit, a duty that we subconsciously keep performing. It needs to be more of a journey a beautiful road to discovering those small pranks and huge love that we have been blessed with.